Counting Marshmallows: 2010

Radical Honesty - I'm not radical enough for this!

A friend recently told me they were practising 'radical honesty', I didn't bother asking what that was and so just made the assumption that it meant telling the truth all the time...sounds kinda fun, huh? It seems a little bit like an extension of my philosophy of 'I'm not doing anything I don't want to' or 'if I'm not having fun I just leave'. So because it sounded like a fun way of operating, I checked it out online.

Wikipedia tells me that radical honesty is:

Radical Honesty is a technique and self-improvement program developed by Dr. Brad Blanton. The program asserts that lying is the primary source of modern human stress, and that practitioners will become happier by being more honest, even about painful or taboo subjects. Blanton claims this form of honesty can help all human relationships since it "creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings."

The Radical Honesty technique includes having practitioners state their feelings bluntly, directly and in ways typically considered impolite. For example, "I'm disgusted with you for X" where X is a statement of objective observation about the person towards whom the comment is being directed. People who practice Radical Honesty employ a collection of techniques to shift them out of acceptable norms of "white lying" for the purpose of having a more truthful relationship with themselves and others.

Meh, that doesn't sound too hard, right? I like the sound of getting to say what I'm thinking and having stuff work out well because of it, although I'm struggling to see how telling someone they are dull and painful to be around would help create intimacy in the relationship, but it might be worth a crack.

A little further reading revealed a ripper of an article from Esquire.com (I only read it for the articles), which you can read here I Think You're Fat. It's pretty long, but I thought it was an awesome read. While the article proved to that there is no way I've got the guts to try this thing properly, it highlighted to me that several of the people I like the most already seem to operate along the lines of radical honesty with pretty damn good results. Perhaps there is something to this whole thing, if you're brave enough to try it - fortune favours the radically honest.

What if there's more than one answer?

I've spent a lot of time and energy worrying what to do with my life and why it "isn't happening" over the past few years. When I finally accepted that there wasn't going to be a bolt from the blue answer to what career would make turn me into one of those sickeningly happy people who get paid to do what they love, somehow I decided that I should channel my life's energy into becoming a wife and a mother....hmmm.

Thankfully, after a a few months of failing at this rather sketchy solution to addressing my life's purpose its finally becoming clear to me that for me there isn't just one purpose. I wasn't put on this earth to become a forensic accountant, pastry chef or supermodel, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't put on this earth just to be a wife and mother, although I'd still like to do those things eventually.

Instead of frustratingly trying to specialise and find the one niche that would satisfy all of my needs, I'm going to try to diversify. I like the idea of having several purposes, or projects on the go which all bring different things to the table. I'm not quite sure where this train of thought will lead, but just thinking it has made me feel lighter and free-er already. It turns out that the idea of having one true purpose has been making poor little commitment-phobic me quite claustrophobic.

Stuff that is making me feel grown up

Wearing pants and a shirt to work today - I look like a man, but at least I look like a professional man.
Walking to and from work
Reading industry related articles in my spare time
Doing lots of cooking in advance (some of it is even quite tasty)
Going to a bar in jeans and a quite demure top (and giggling at the girls in skimpy dresses and lots of makeup)
Getting up early and cleaning the house
Gardening...the plants are still alive, although looking a little wussy.
Opening a first home savers account (although it has no money in it)
Deciding to use the money I would spend on Spring Carnival to kick start my first home savers account.

Stuff that is reminding me I'm not very grown up:

You don't really think I'm stupid enough to put that in writing do you?

Gardening - Deceptively Easy

For once I actually fulfilled one of my resolutions - I spent this weekend gardening. It was fun, reasonably simple and the plants are still looking like they might live...at least for a few days.

Before...	Our trip to Bunnings	...after
Lots of chilli plants	Some of my herbs...(they didn't look this sad until I drowned them with my watering can)	The 'shrubbery'...I assume they'll grow and it won't look so dirty soon.

This Makes my Efforts at Showjumping Look Pretty Poor....

My Name is Heather and I'm a Collector.

I've always been a collector, as long as I can remember I've always like to acquire things - lots of things, lots of similar things. I've collected stamps, coins, rocks, beads, pony books, ponies, shoes, perfumes, hats, DVDs, bottles of spirits...in fact I seem to think that pretty much everything that you can get one of is better if you get lots of it.

I'm not scared of many things, but stairs I can see through absolutely terrify me. This can be a problem in Hobart where most of the retail stores have horrible old school scary stairs that you can see through.

There are a lot of people in my life, friends, family, colleagues, my shoe man, my personal trainer, the good breakfast guy....well you get the picture. Not all of them are close to me, but they all make up the human landscape of my life.

Oh no, hang on - that's Coolangatta (where I was basking in the sun last week)

I've always wanted to take part in Movember, but lacking the ability to grow a mo has made this difficult.

I dunno about you, but life is very sweet for me at the moment. I've had some upheaval in the last month or so, but it looks like that's all out of the way and I've been able to start living the life I love again.

I've been thinking about the loud voice/quiet voice concept a fair bit lately, it seems to be very relevant at this point in my life.

Well, as it turns out, brightening the day of everyone I interacted with was rather a big challenge - I did pretty well until about 2pm and then it all went horribly downhill. I got tired and cranky and wanted the world to leave me alone and seeing as that wasn't going to happen, I snuck out to the hot chocolate and dutch pancake stall which is currently set up out the front of the office for a nice chocolatey, pancakey, sugary dose of yummy-ness.

I don't think I did, or at least I didn't do it consciously.

Well, just in case I haven't told you (repeatedly), I moved house over the weekend, and I'm loving my new place! Although it's a little full of boxes at the moment and I'm still struggling to find things I know I packed at the other end, I already feel so relaxed and at home. I'll post some photos as soon as it stops looking like a storage facility!

The other thing that's been keeping me busy at the moment is my new project - The Inspired Assistant. Its a new blog aimed at PAs/EAs & Admin Assistants and it's been giving me lots to think about! The idea is that it will become not only a reference site, but also a forum for collaborative problem sharing. It still needs a bit of a 'polish' and some more content, but I'm really happy with where its at right now.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to, and I'm really looking forward to settling back into my routine - I haven't been to the gym for 2 weeks!

If I could have a pet, I'd want a....

	A fish...although all the fish I've had in the past haven't managed to stick around too long...I get the feeling I need a more sturdy pet like an...
Axelotl! Kind of like a fish but with legs, and frills and a big smiley face. Although I hear they're pretty good at escaping and making your house smell, I guess I don't want that.
	How about a french bulldog? These things are so freakin cute I want to stash them in my handbag, but I guess anything that makes you more like Paris Hilton is a bad thing right?
Guinea pigs are pretty cool, especially this one in his little dinosaur suit. I've had guinea pigs before, I've still got a scar on my finger from where one bit me...I guess that's a bad idea too.
	How about a miniature pony? Come to think of it, I've had one of those too, and I still have the bite marks to prove it.
A baby sloth? Again, maximum cuteness and it loves to sleep which is a plus, but I reckon those claws would reak havoc on my stockings, I guess that's a no.
	Baby hippos are pretty cool, and I reckon this guy would love joining me for a Saturday morning soak in the spa, but a substitute teacher once told me that they poo in the water, and that's just not cool.
I love watching turtles eat things, so that would be a pretty cool pet, but I hear they live forever....I don't want a pet that's gonna go telling my grand kids about the crazy hi jinks I got up to in my youth.
	Penguins would be pretty cool, although I don't reckon they'd like the heat in summer...the only thing that's worse than me whingeing about the heat is a herd of penguins whingeing about the heat.
A teacup piglet would be awesome, but lets face it - Mel would find a way to steal it and eat it.
	I've always wanted a chameleon, but I'm really scared of anything with scales, so I guess that counts this guy out.
I suppose all that leaves is a velociraptor.

Just in case you're getting clucky...

Last night I watched the first episode of British show One Born Every Minute on SBS. It has possibly proven to be the most effective form of contraception I've ever encountered. The show's website provides the following summary:

Every minute of every day, a baby is born in Britain.
One Born Every Minute celebrates what it really feels like to become a parent, by taking a bustling maternity hospital and filling it with forty cameras.

As it turns out, becoming a parent seems to be one of the most traumatic things I've ever witnessed on television. Lets be honest, I've never expected that producing a baby would be a pleasant and pain free experience, in fact I've been totally terrified of the idea as long as I can remember, but last night's viewing took my anxiety to a whole new level.

The show focused on two couples who were delivering little bundles of joy into the world - Tracy and Steve who were having their fourth child, and Lisa and Will who were having their first. Lisa, 22, needed to have a cesarean due to some complications. I have long assumed due to statements like 'too posh to push' and the like that having a cesarean would be a simple and trauma free procedure, on par with a bikini wax but with anaesthetic. Boy was I wrong. I've never seen anything so awful in my life! Poor Lisa was totally terrified, shaking, crying and fully conscious (I don't know why I thought you wouldn't be) and then, once her baby was 'removed' she wasn't even allowed to hold it.

Tracy on the other hand was dealing with complications of a different kind - her git of a husband Steve (you can see some of his finer moments here ). Steve's attempts at helping Tracy through the birthing process included making fun of her for asking for pain relief, blowing up a rubber glove and hitting her over the back with it, locking her in the bathroom during a contraction and disappearing for a while, leaving their 18 year old son to support his mother. Tracy seemed to take this all in her stride and presumably likes having such a twat for a husband, but the whole thing made me reconsider the type of men I'll date from now on - anyone likely to behave like a petulant toddler need not apply...in fact, pretty much only anaesthetists need apply.

If you'd like to find out more about the show, you can view it's website here - I don't recommend watching over lunch, although I think I might tune in again next week to see what else they can strengthen my phobia with.

Money cant buy love, but it can buy friendship apparently.

While skimming through my daily dose of Britain's The Guardian, I came across this article Would you rent a friend? by Tim Dowling.

Wow. I'm not even really sure what I think about this new industry. I had a look at www.rentafriend.com to find out a bit more and here are a few examples of why you may chose to 'rent a friend':

People who travel to a new city can hire a local to show them around town. It's always good to know someone from the area who can give you first hand information about where to go and what to avoid.
Someone might want to see a movie or go out to a restaurant but don't have anyone to go with. They could "Rent a Friend" to go along with them.
Many Friends on RentAFriend.com have unique talents and skills. They can teach you a new language, tutor you, share a new hobby, art, dance, and much more. It's also a great way to meet people of different cultures and religions.
People who travel often for business that are looking to find local Friends to go out to dinner with, go to the bar with, or watch a sports game with. It's always great to have Friends in different cities.
People who have an extra ticket to a sporting event or concert and don't want to go alone. They can "Rent a Friend" to go along them.
Someone may want a workout partner for the gym. Renting a Friend to help motivate and spot you during your workout. It can also be a lot cheaper than hiring a personal trainer.
Just looking for someone to give you personal advice. There are lots of people who just want to get real advice about a situation and it's always great to get an outsiders point of view.

I suppose these are all valid reasons for seeking a new friend, but hiring one - I'm just not sure about the whole thing. Unlike family, we have the ability to chose our friends, and if you chose to pay for the privilege I suppose that's fine too, but how about the friend you've hired? How much say do they have in the matter? I suppose they could always chose not to take your 'job'... How could you tell whether your 'friend' was really your friend or just after you for the money? I suppose the same can be said for some friendships though...

Hmmm, I can't help but find the whole scenario depressing, but maybe I'm just looking at it wrong.

Moving house can be done without leaving your couch...

...at least until they pack it onto the truck.

It's a week and a half until my move and I'm amazed at how little I've actually had to do. The usual flurry of shopping trips, hunting down boxes, visiting homewares stores and all of the other crazy errands that have to be done to move house have all been replaced with nice simple online alternatives.

My application was made and approved online, my power, gas and electricity has all been connected online, my removalists booked, my packing materials delivered, my new outdoor furniture purchased and it's delivery arranged online, my new appliances purchased online and delivered to my door, even my first grocery shop (and pre-chilled wine) was ordered online and will appear in my new house hours after I do.

If I was lazy enough, I would have just paid for other people to pack my stuff into boxes, but I reckon that's taking it a bit far.