Just in case you're getting clucky...

Last night I watched the first episode of British show One Born Every Minute on SBS. It has possibly proven to be the most effective form of contraception I've ever encountered. The show's website provides the following summary:

Every minute of every day, a baby is born in Britain.
One Born Every Minute celebrates what it really feels like to become a parent, by taking a bustling maternity hospital and filling it with forty cameras.

As it turns out, becoming a parent seems to be one of the most traumatic things I've ever witnessed on television. Lets be honest, I've never expected that producing a baby would be a pleasant and pain free experience, in fact I've been totally terrified of the idea as long as I can remember, but last night's viewing took my anxiety to a whole new level.

The show focused on two couples who were delivering little bundles of joy into the world - Tracy and Steve who were having their fourth child, and Lisa and Will who were having their first. Lisa, 22, needed to have a cesarean due to some complications. I have long assumed due to statements like 'too posh to push' and the like that having a cesarean would be a simple and trauma free procedure, on par with a bikini wax but with anaesthetic. Boy was I wrong. I've never seen anything so awful in my life! Poor Lisa was totally terrified, shaking, crying and fully conscious (I don't know why I thought you wouldn't be) and then, once her baby was 'removed' she wasn't even allowed to hold it.

Tracy on the other hand was dealing with complications of a different kind - her git of a husband Steve (you can see some of his finer moments here ). Steve's attempts at helping Tracy through the birthing process included making fun of her for asking for pain relief, blowing up a rubber glove and hitting her over the back with it, locking her in the bathroom during a contraction and disappearing for a while, leaving their 18 year old son to support his mother. Tracy seemed to take this all in her stride and presumably likes having such a twat for a husband, but the whole thing made me reconsider the type of men I'll date from now on - anyone likely to behave like a petulant toddler need not apply...in fact, pretty much only anaesthetists need apply.

If you'd like to find out more about the show, you can view it's website here - I don't recommend watching over lunch, although I think I might tune in again next week to see what else they can strengthen my phobia with.

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