I don't wanna be another Bridget Jones clone

I stumbled upon Gareth Sibson's article 'Somebody save me from the Bridget Clones' a few years ago and have forced myself to periodically re-read it, every six months or so, ever since. I'm not going to try to summarise it, you can read it at the link below.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-366696/Somebody-save-Bridget-Clones.html

It makes me cringe every time I read it, probably because it hits a little close to home. The most scarily accurate observation in the article is that 'women seem to look at dating as a business plan.' It instantly makes me recall conversations with a former co-worker where men were classed in the same categories as our company's marketing leads - hot prospects or 95% ers (yes, I am blushing as I type this). 

I agree with Gareth, that dating should be an organic process. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to be in a relationship, that we don't tend to stop and think about whether it's the right relationship to be in. I know that I'm certainly guilty of this, after one date with a new bloke I'm immediately trying to work out how to make him my boyfriend, without thinking about whether I'd actually like him to be. There's no room for romance (or even authenticity) in such a transactional relationship.

The past few weeks have been a bit of a wake up call for me, some of my best friends have become part of wonderful, loving relationships that have shown me how things can work, and a very wise person sat me down and made a few well judged observations. I guess for me it all comes down to authenticity, if you have to act like someone else to get a boyfriend is that boyfriend really worth keeping? I think I'd rather be authentic and alone.

In an effort to stop coming across as another Bridget Clone I'm having a crack at the following for the next month, just to see if I actually can:

• Stop boring people by talking about my job, how long I've been single or my bust size. I will however continue talking about my blog because it's very, very exciting.
• Stop scoping out every bar, cafe, gym class and tram for 'potentials'
• Stop reading blogs about relationships
• Stop writing love poems to people I've just met in the lift (just kidding, I can't write poetry.)

So if you catch me doing any of the above, you can give me a good rap across the knuckles - I'll deserve it.

My weekend was great, how was yours?

What a great weekend - Pilates, two swims, a big walk on St Kilda pier, packing boxes, looking at seaweed, painting with my Johnny & Leah (ok, supervision Johnny and Leah painting), yummy thai food, low-booze booze (low alcohol wine), peeking through the fence at my new apartment, lunch with Milla (and Hamish via teleconference), Bunnings mayhem, new pot plants, lots of yummy cooking and 5 blocks of chocolate!

Did I mention I shared the spa at my gym with Ben Cousins? Yuuuuuum! Great incentive to train harder!

 

I may have gotten a little scared that a big pink blob-monster was coming to get me while taking this photo, but it turned out to be my finger - looks like I might need some photography training.

Things I've learnt (or re-learnt) this week

This week has been pretty crazy, so now it's Friday I'm sitting down and working out what I've learnt and re-learnt this week. The biggest thing I've learnt is that I have a lot more good friends than I often think. I tend to be very much an 'eggs in one basket' kind of friend, but in the past week I've had loads of support from so many wonderful people. It's sad that I often forget just how many people care for me, and I can't wait to invite them all round to my new place for a cuppa! On that note, moving house isn't as hard as I remember...so far. All of my packing materials get delivered on Saturday, so then the real fun begins!

After spending about 3 months going to the gym 3 times a week, I'm actually learning to like it - I don't look nearly as uncoordinated anymore and I'm even learning to tolerate sweating (although I don't quite love sweating yet). Next big challenge is to actually get down to a spin class like I keep promising I will....hopefully this Sunday.

Today I also learnt how to embed a youtube video into my blog, which is great 'cos now you can all see what my friends Chloe and Paul are up to in the UK. I hear Chloe's swim 'window' starts this weekend, so my fingers are crossed for her!

See, I know famous people! For anyone who wants to find out more about Chloe and her swim - click here to be diverted to her blog.

Appliance Love!

Ok, so I'm not usually in awe of appliances, but this one is possibly the best invention ever. It makes toast and googie eggs - awesome work Tefal!

From: http://www.tefal.com.au/All+Products/Breakfast/Toasters/Products/Toast+n+Egg+2-slice+Toaster/Toast+n+Egg+2-slice+Toaster.htm

What's in your shed?

My new apartment has a shed in it's courtyard. This is quite possibly the most exciting thing to happen to me this week. Despite the fact that the shed is the size of a small toilet cubicle, and will be crammed full of stuff that won't fit into my apartment, I keep fantasizing about all of the wonderful uses I could put it to. So far, my favourite ideas are:

• Convert it to an additional wardrobe...who can't use more wardrobe space?
• Turn it into a steam room....although it's a bit breezy, might not hold the steam well.
• Create a small dressing room, you know the kind with a make up table with lights around the mirror?
• I could use it to roost a flock of homing pigeons - that way I could save on my phone bill.
• A craft room...or possibly a home for all my failed craft projects...either way.
• Turn it into a small bar, serving drinks to the courtyard...I guess this is probably illegal though.
• A manly tool shed, so my shed-less male friends can look on in awe.
• Fill it with those little furry creatures that turn into gremlins if you get them wet, or feed them, or something - probably a bad idea, it looks kind of leaky.
• Fill it with an aquarium, possibly full of sharks, or turtles.
• A new hiding space, since I will no longer have a walk in shoe cupboard to hide in.

Most likely it will just be full of the overflow from inside the apartment, but a girl's gotta dream right?

Guest Blog: A day at the races

As my memory of Saturday's Young Member's Day is fairly fuzzy to say the least (something to do with going to the gym before the races...ooops), Caitlyn has happily provided a guest post for the event. I'll add some photos as soon as I work out how to get them off my camera.

Hello, Caitlyn here.

So I'm going to give a shot at blogging, using Heather's blog of course. We are at the races drinking wine while the boys try to make some money. I tried to put a bet on the first race and my horse came last so I've given up for today. I'm much better at drinking wine than betting, wino for life I say.

An update on the fashion here at Flemington. I wouldn't say it was great and I wouldn't come here for any inspiration. A lot of short frilly dresses and a lot of pink, both of which I am not a fan of, but each to their own I guess. Lets turn our eyes to the men, I have found a lot of what my Greek girls would call "wog tappers". If you've never heard the term before they are the bad shoes boys use to wear out to the trashy clubs when they just turned 18. They are usually white and of the pointed variety - GROSS! Speaking of white, white stockings are not ok. I've given it a go, it wasn't successful, so I wouldn't advise it for anyone else.

Enough of me... Everyone have a lovely day! Signing out, Miss Maney.

Races tomorrow!

Off to the races tomorrow for the first time since the deluge in March - can't wait! Better get home and start making my hatinator!

Have a great weekend!

Mid-20's Urban Disconnection Angst

Back when my grandparents were my age, life was a nice structured combination of social institutions that formed the framework for how you behaved, thought, dressed, who your friends would be, what you'd cook, where you'd live, who you'd date and when you'd get married. OK, so my grandma was 25 in the 1940's, I might be stretching it a bit, but there was a lot more social structure back then.

My parents are members of the Bellerive Yacht Club in Tasmania, and it has been a major part of their lives as long as I can remember. The Club provides its members with a marina, a bar, footy tipping, family nights, all sorts of functions and generally a place and a group where members feel they 'belong'. Even now (7 years after moving interstate) I can walk into the Club and people will know me and say g'day. As a child, the Club determined a lot of the structure of my life - Wednesday night twilight races, Friday night dinners, Saturday and Sunday races, countless Mother's Day lunches, my Father's 50th birthday party, my Grandfather's wake was held there and his picture still hangs in the hallway, and most importantly I learnt never wear a hat in a bar (or else you'll have to shout the whole bar)!

One of the biggest changes I experienced when moving states was the loss of social institutions/groups to guide my way. I was away from my family, school group, my pony club, my parent's yacht club and everything I knew. While it was great that this new beginning meant I had to work out who I was, this authenticity came at a cost - the comfort and security of belonging to a community and understanding the prescribed norms. I think this angst might be true for many of my generation who move out of home and away from everything they know, every generation has had to go out and forge it's place in the world, but the disconnect is far greater now - we're not in Kansas anymore!

In an attempt to appease my fears at being totally out of place and out of order, last year I signed up for 'ettiquette school', which is apparently enjoying a significant rise in enrollments - possibly due to this 'disconnection angst'. Thankfully, etiquette school simply confirmed I was OK, instead of telling me I was horribly badly mannered!

Over the past few years I've created my own network of social groups to form the framework for my life - my 'urban family', work groups, volunteer groups, steak night groups, girl's night groups, meditation group and all of these help to give my life structure. Many of my friends are part of sporting groups, book clubs, volunteer with community groups or surf clubs, but it seems the future of the organised social club is being replaced with more informal social groupings. Can facebook replace a yacht club ? Can a group of people you meet because they hang out at the same bar replace life-long friendships with school-mates (in my case, yes)?

If you're reading this blog and you're not yet a 'follower' you'd better join up (all the cool kids are doing it), you can find the follow button at the left hand side of this column.

Singapore isn't that far away, right?

Last night I helped my mate Cam celebrate his last Thursday in Melbourne for a while (at least for the foreseeable future). Many beers and margaritas were drunk, much yummy Mexican food was eaten and many great memories re-surfaced.

I remember my second day in Melbourne, when I'd gone to the supermarket, put everything through the checkout and realised I didn't have my wallet with me. Cam passed the sobbing 17 year old girl who'd moved in downstairs the day before running back through Hawksburn to get her wallet and put his hand on my arm and told me to smile. Just that small gesture was enough to give me hope that maybe things weren't so bad at all (although my ice cream still melted all over the check out).

I'm really going to miss having Cam around, apart from being one of my best mates, he is also a mentor and a big brother to me. I got to thinking about some of the things I've learnt from Cam over the last seven years and this is what I came up with:

• 'Because it will make a good story' is a good enough reason to do anything
• Taxi drivers always have interesting perspectives on life, and you should always take the time to listen to them
• That if you hear something three times it must be true
• Look confident and everyone will believe you
• Every bluff can be called
• Just because it looks like a kareoke bar, doesn't mean it is a kareoke bar
• Anything is possible if you try hard enough
• You can buy awesome stuff in Singapore (see picture below)
• There's no need to leave the house if you don't want to. Ever.
• That if you hear something three times it must be true 
• You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but you can always make other people do it
• Homemade beer smells like farts
• The best way to make a cheese sandwich (to fry it, with some cheese on the outside)
• It is possible to make an apartment-sized spiderweb with just a few balls of string
• Most people don't pay attention to the details, and if you rely on this you can get away with a lot
• Making friends with randoms can lead to some of the most interesting afternoons
• An empty day can always be filled with beer and mates
• That if you hear something three times it must be true 
• Vinyl snakeskin is always appropriate
• That I can never out-negotiate him

I hope all of Cam's new Singaporean friends realise just how lucky they are to have him, and I can't wait to come visit, but in the mean time I suppose Singapore is only a phone call away.

 Check out the awesome faux-Burberry dumpling kit he got me - Singapore must be awesome!

Someone else's wisdom

 Today I don't really have a lot to say, so I thought I'd share some quotes from good old Norma Jeane:

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

"Its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what your not"

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

Blog Envy

This week I'm in love with the blog 'Bugs and Fishes' (http://bugsandfishes.blogspot.com) by Laura Howard. It showcases some nifty craft projects, some great designs and also links to her fabulous shop on etsy. Some of my favourites are:



Tonight I'm going to have a crack at making some of my own felt flowers to go on a fascinator for the races this weekend, I'm going to work from Laura's How To (here) to come up with my own designs.

Here are a few pictures I'm using as inspiration:

From: http://bugsandfishes.blogspot.com/2009/12/this-used-to-be-sweater.html

From: http://bugsandfishes.blogspot.com/2010/01/things-in-my-workbox-1.html

From:   http://news.holidash.com//2010/04/23/mothers-day-corsage/

Letting go

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for it to kill your enemy." - Nelson Mandela.

I've long been known for my ability to hold petty grudges with a vice- like grip. It's not something I'm proud of, but it is part of me. Most of the time its about silly things like someone not liking my shoes, or telling me I've put on weight, and  I usually get over it stuff like that pretty quickly. Occasionally it's something bigger that just festers away -  what happens if I just can't let go?

I know that for the sake of my own happiness, and that of others, I need to move on so why can't I just do it? I guess the answer must be that I don't want to. This is even harder to understand...why would I want to keep hold of something that makes my life miserable?

Perhaps it goes back to my belief that I must learn from what happens to me. I guess there's a lesson in all of this I still need to learn before I can move on...or perhaps I can just move into a cave with this bloke:

18 days till shark diving!

In 18 days I will quivering on the deck of the shark diving boat trying to feign seasickness or death so as not to have to get in the water with sharks...no, I'll actually be really, really brave.

Here are some photos of sharks that I've been looking at to build up my nerves...they aren't really helping, although it's good to know the sharks have already eaten.

If that's not enough shark-eating-seal action for you, here's a bit more.

WWLFD?

On Friday night I was faced with a terrible dilemma, due to rather ungracefully descending the stairs at my local, The Local, I was left with a slightly damaged shoe. By slightly damaged, I mean the stiletto heel had snapped off at a right angle (see picture).

After a moments panic (I was two blocks from home and it was raining and if I took my shoes off my stockings would get wet...and I would be a bogan), I took a deep breath and thought 'What would Lillian Frank do?' Thankfully it only took a moment to bring to mind one of Lillian's gems of wisdom which is repeated at the beginning of each Spring Carnival - 'It is better to be carried home, than to carry your shoes home'...unfortunately, after looking around I noticed a distinct lack of gentlemen offering to carry me home. Back to the WWLFD drawing board....

The only thing left to do was take a deep breath, stand up straight, stick my nose in the air and walk along on the broken heel pretending there was nothing wrong. It turns out pilates has made me quite good at walking on tippy-toes, I think Lillian would have been proud.

A really good place for a Monday

I'm in a really good place at the moment, and I don't mean sitting in my office (although the view this morning is pretty nice - I know the picture is kind of blurry, now you know what it's like to see like I do).

Things are really working out for me - My house is clean, my bed is comfy, my job is great and I'm at peace with my family. My friends are all happy, healthy and some of them are very much in luuuuurve, which is wonderful. I'm loving going to the gym, pilates rocks my world, weekly meditation group keeps me zen, floating around the hydrotherapy pool keeps me warm.

For the first time in years, I'm relaxed enough to wear pants (anyone who knows me well knows I never wear pants!), I don't feel the need to get dressed up to go to the shops, and I'm very much enjoying being a lot more relaxed in my attitude to everything.

I hope things are going as well for you too.