I stumbled upon Gareth Sibson's article 'Somebody save me from the Bridget Clones' a few years ago and have forced myself to periodically re-read it, every six months or so, ever since. I'm not going to try to summarise it, you can read it at the link below.
It makes me cringe every time I read it, probably because it hits a little close to home. The most scarily accurate observation in the article is that 'women seem to look at dating as a business plan.' It instantly makes me recall conversations with a former co-worker where men were classed in the same categories as our company's marketing leads - hot prospects or 95% ers (yes, I am blushing as I type this).
I agree with Gareth, that dating should be an organic process. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to be in a relationship, that we don't tend to stop and think about whether it's the right relationship to be in. I know that I'm certainly guilty of this, after one date with a new bloke I'm immediately trying to work out how to make him my boyfriend, without thinking about whether I'd actually like him to be. There's no room for romance (or even authenticity) in such a transactional relationship.
The past few weeks have been a bit of a wake up call for me, some of my best friends have become part of wonderful, loving relationships that have shown me how things can work, and a very wise person sat me down and made a few well judged observations. I guess for me it all comes down to authenticity, if you have to act like someone else to get a boyfriend is that boyfriend really worth keeping? I think I'd rather be authentic and alone.
In an effort to stop coming across as another Bridget Clone I'm having a crack at the following for the next month, just to see if I actually can:
- Stop boring people by talking about my job, how long I've been single or my bust size. I will however continue talking about my blog because it's very, very exciting.
- Stop scoping out every bar, cafe, gym class and tram for 'potentials'
- Stop reading blogs about relationships
- Stop writing love poems to people I've just met in the lift (just kidding, I can't write poetry.)
So if you catch me doing any of the above, you can give me a good rap across the knuckles - I'll deserve it.
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