Radical Honesty - I'm not radical enough for this!

A friend recently told me they were practising 'radical honesty', I didn't bother asking what that was and so just made the assumption that it meant telling the truth all the time...sounds kinda fun, huh? It seems a little bit like an extension of my philosophy of 'I'm not doing anything I don't want to' or 'if I'm not having fun I just leave'. So because it sounded like a fun way of operating, I checked it out online.

Wikipedia tells me that radical honesty is:

Radical Honesty is a technique and self-improvement program developed by Dr. Brad Blanton. The program asserts that lying is the primary source of modern human stress, and that practitioners will become happier by being more honest, even about painful or taboo subjects. Blanton claims this form of honesty can help all human relationships since it "creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings."

The Radical Honesty technique includes having practitioners state their feelings bluntly, directly and in ways typically considered impolite. For example, "I'm disgusted with you for X" where X is a statement of objective observation about the person towards whom the comment is being directed. People who practice Radical Honesty employ a collection of techniques to shift them out of acceptable norms of "white lying" for the purpose of having a more truthful relationship with themselves and others.

 Meh, that doesn't sound too hard, right? I like the sound of getting to say what I'm thinking and having stuff work out well because of it, although I'm struggling to see how telling someone they are dull and painful to be around would help create intimacy in the relationship, but it might be worth a crack.

A little further reading revealed a ripper of an article from Esquire.com (I only read it for the articles), which you can read here I Think You're Fat. It's pretty long, but I thought it was an awesome read. While the article proved to that there is no way I've got the guts to try this thing properly, it highlighted to me that several of the people I like the most already seem to operate along the lines of radical honesty with pretty damn good results. Perhaps there is something to this whole thing, if you're brave enough to try it - fortune favours the radically honest.

What if there's more than one answer?

I've spent a lot of time and energy worrying what to do with my life and why it "isn't happening" over the past few years. When I finally accepted that there wasn't going to be a bolt from the blue answer to what career would make turn me into one of those sickeningly happy people who get paid to do what they love, somehow I decided that I should channel my life's energy into becoming a wife and a mother....hmmm.

Thankfully, after a a few months of failing at this rather sketchy solution to addressing my life's purpose its finally becoming clear to me that for me there isn't just one purpose. I wasn't put on this earth to become a forensic accountant, pastry chef or supermodel, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't put on this earth just to be a wife and mother, although I'd still like to do those things eventually.

Instead of frustratingly trying to specialise and find the one niche that would satisfy all of my needs, I'm going to try to diversify. I like the idea of having several purposes, or projects on the go which all bring different things to the table. I'm not quite sure where this train of thought will lead, but just thinking it has made me feel lighter and free-er already. It turns out that the idea of having one true purpose has been making poor little commitment-phobic me quite claustrophobic.

Stuff that is making me feel grown up

• Wearing pants and a shirt to work today - I look like a man, but at least I look like a professional man.
• Walking to and from work
• Reading industry related articles in my spare time
• Doing lots of cooking in advance (some of it is even quite tasty)
• Going to a bar in jeans and a quite demure top (and giggling at the girls in skimpy dresses and lots of makeup)
• Getting up early and cleaning the house
• Gardening...the plants are still alive, although looking a little wussy.
• Opening a first home savers account (although it has no money in it)
• Deciding to use the money I would spend on Spring Carnival to kick start my first home savers account.

Stuff that is reminding me I'm not very grown up:

• You don't really think I'm stupid enough to put that in writing do you?

Gardening - Deceptively Easy

For once I actually fulfilled one of my resolutions - I spent this weekend gardening. It was fun, reasonably simple and the plants are still looking like they might live...at least for a few days.

Before...	Our trip to Bunnings	...after
Lots of chilli plants	Some of my herbs...(they didn't look this sad until I drowned them with my watering can)	The 'shrubbery'...I assume they'll grow and it won't look so dirty soon.

My Name is Heather and I'm a Collector.

I've always been a collector, as long as I can remember I've always like to acquire things - lots of things, lots of similar things. I've collected stamps, coins, rocks, beads, pony books, ponies, shoes, perfumes, hats, DVDs, bottles of spirits...in fact I seem to think that pretty much everything that you can get one of is better if you get lots of it.

I am really scared of flimsy stairs...and exercise

I'm not scared of many things, but stairs I can see through absolutely terrify me. This can be a problem in Hobart where most of the retail stores have horrible old school scary stairs that you can see through.

My People

There are a lot of people in my life, friends, family, colleagues, my shoe man, my personal trainer, the good breakfast guy....well you get the picture. Not all of them are close to me, but they all make up the human landscape of my life.

Spring has sprung

Oh no, hang on - that's Coolangatta (where I was basking in the sun last week)

Life is Pretty Peachy

I dunno about you, but life is very sweet for me at the moment. I've had some upheaval in the last month or so, but it looks like that's all out of the way and I've been able to start living the life I love again.

The Quiet Voice

I've been thinking about the loud voice/quiet voice concept a fair bit lately, it seems to be very relevant at this point in my life.

Did you make anyone's day brighter today?

I don't think I did, or at least I didn't do it consciously.

Wowee - what a busy week!

Well, just in case I haven't told you (repeatedly), I moved house over the weekend, and I'm loving my new place! Although it's a little full of boxes at the moment and I'm still struggling to find things I know I packed at the other end, I already feel so relaxed and at home. I'll post some photos as soon as it stops looking like a storage facility!

The other thing that's been keeping me busy at the moment is my new project - The Inspired Assistant. Its a new blog aimed at PAs/EAs & Admin Assistants and it's been giving me lots to think about! The idea is that it will become not only a reference site, but also a forum for collaborative problem sharing. It still needs a bit of a 'polish' and some more content, but I'm really happy with where its at right now.

Anyway, that's what I've been up to, and I'm really looking forward to settling back into my routine - I haven't been to the gym for 2 weeks!

If I could have a pet, I'd want a....

	A fish...although all the fish I've had in the past haven't managed to stick around too long...I get the feeling I need a more sturdy pet like an...
Axelotl! Kind of like a fish but with legs, and frills and a big smiley face. Although I hear they're pretty good at escaping and making your house smell, I guess I don't want that.
	How about a french bulldog? These things are so freakin cute I want to stash them in my handbag, but I guess anything that makes you more like Paris Hilton is a bad thing right?
Guinea pigs are pretty cool, especially this one in his little dinosaur suit. I've had guinea pigs before, I've still got a scar on my finger from where one bit me...I guess that's a bad idea too.
	How about a miniature pony? Come to think of it, I've had one of those too, and I still have the bite marks to prove it.
A baby sloth? Again, maximum cuteness and it loves to sleep which is a plus, but I reckon those claws would reak havoc on my stockings, I guess that's a no.
	Baby hippos are pretty cool, and I reckon this guy would love joining me for a Saturday morning soak in the spa, but a substitute teacher once told me that they poo in the water, and that's just not cool.
I love watching turtles eat things, so that would be a pretty cool pet, but I hear they live forever....I don't want a pet that's gonna go telling my grand kids about the crazy hi jinks I got up to in my youth.
	Penguins would be pretty cool, although I don't reckon they'd like the heat in summer...the only thing that's worse than me whingeing about the heat is a herd of penguins whingeing about the heat.
A teacup piglet would be awesome, but lets face it - Mel would find a way to steal it and eat it.
	I've always wanted a chameleon, but I'm really scared of anything with scales, so I guess that counts this guy out.
I suppose all that leaves is a velociraptor.

Another great weekend in pictures

                                                                                                                             

Moving house can be done without leaving your couch...

...at least until they pack it onto the truck.

It's a week and a half until my move and I'm amazed at how little I've actually had to do. The usual flurry of shopping trips, hunting down boxes, visiting homewares stores and all of the other crazy errands that have to be done to move house have all been replaced with nice simple online alternatives.

My application was made and approved online, my power, gas and electricity has all been connected online, my removalists booked, my packing materials delivered, my new outdoor furniture purchased and it's delivery arranged online, my new appliances purchased online and delivered to my door, even my first grocery shop (and pre-chilled wine) was ordered online and will appear in my new house hours after I do.

If I was lazy enough, I would have just paid for other people to pack my stuff into boxes, but I reckon that's taking it a bit far.

I don't wanna be another Bridget Jones clone

I stumbled upon Gareth Sibson's article 'Somebody save me from the Bridget Clones' a few years ago and have forced myself to periodically re-read it, every six months or so, ever since. I'm not going to try to summarise it, you can read it at the link below.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-366696/Somebody-save-Bridget-Clones.html

It makes me cringe every time I read it, probably because it hits a little close to home. The most scarily accurate observation in the article is that 'women seem to look at dating as a business plan.' It instantly makes me recall conversations with a former co-worker where men were classed in the same categories as our company's marketing leads - hot prospects or 95% ers (yes, I am blushing as I type this). 

I agree with Gareth, that dating should be an organic process. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to be in a relationship, that we don't tend to stop and think about whether it's the right relationship to be in. I know that I'm certainly guilty of this, after one date with a new bloke I'm immediately trying to work out how to make him my boyfriend, without thinking about whether I'd actually like him to be. There's no room for romance (or even authenticity) in such a transactional relationship.

The past few weeks have been a bit of a wake up call for me, some of my best friends have become part of wonderful, loving relationships that have shown me how things can work, and a very wise person sat me down and made a few well judged observations. I guess for me it all comes down to authenticity, if you have to act like someone else to get a boyfriend is that boyfriend really worth keeping? I think I'd rather be authentic and alone.

In an effort to stop coming across as another Bridget Clone I'm having a crack at the following for the next month, just to see if I actually can:

• Stop boring people by talking about my job, how long I've been single or my bust size. I will however continue talking about my blog because it's very, very exciting.
• Stop scoping out every bar, cafe, gym class and tram for 'potentials'
• Stop reading blogs about relationships
• Stop writing love poems to people I've just met in the lift (just kidding, I can't write poetry.)

So if you catch me doing any of the above, you can give me a good rap across the knuckles - I'll deserve it.

My weekend was great, how was yours?

What a great weekend - Pilates, two swims, a big walk on St Kilda pier, packing boxes, looking at seaweed, painting with my Johnny & Leah (ok, supervision Johnny and Leah painting), yummy thai food, low-booze booze (low alcohol wine), peeking through the fence at my new apartment, lunch with Milla (and Hamish via teleconference), Bunnings mayhem, new pot plants, lots of yummy cooking and 5 blocks of chocolate!

Did I mention I shared the spa at my gym with Ben Cousins? Yuuuuuum! Great incentive to train harder!

 

I may have gotten a little scared that a big pink blob-monster was coming to get me while taking this photo, but it turned out to be my finger - looks like I might need some photography training.

Appliance Love!

Ok, so I'm not usually in awe of appliances, but this one is possibly the best invention ever. It makes toast and googie eggs - awesome work Tefal!

From: http://www.tefal.com.au/All+Products/Breakfast/Toasters/Products/Toast+n+Egg+2-slice+Toaster/Toast+n+Egg+2-slice+Toaster.htm

Mid-20's Urban Disconnection Angst

Back when my grandparents were my age, life was a nice structured combination of social institutions that formed the framework for how you behaved, thought, dressed, who your friends would be, what you'd cook, where you'd live, who you'd date and when you'd get married. OK, so my grandma was 25 in the 1940's, I might be stretching it a bit, but there was a lot more social structure back then.

My parents are members of the Bellerive Yacht Club in Tasmania, and it has been a major part of their lives as long as I can remember. The Club provides its members with a marina, a bar, footy tipping, family nights, all sorts of functions and generally a place and a group where members feel they 'belong'. Even now (7 years after moving interstate) I can walk into the Club and people will know me and say g'day. As a child, the Club determined a lot of the structure of my life - Wednesday night twilight races, Friday night dinners, Saturday and Sunday races, countless Mother's Day lunches, my Father's 50th birthday party, my Grandfather's wake was held there and his picture still hangs in the hallway, and most importantly I learnt never wear a hat in a bar (or else you'll have to shout the whole bar)!

One of the biggest changes I experienced when moving states was the loss of social institutions/groups to guide my way. I was away from my family, school group, my pony club, my parent's yacht club and everything I knew. While it was great that this new beginning meant I had to work out who I was, this authenticity came at a cost - the comfort and security of belonging to a community and understanding the prescribed norms. I think this angst might be true for many of my generation who move out of home and away from everything they know, every generation has had to go out and forge it's place in the world, but the disconnect is far greater now - we're not in Kansas anymore!

In an attempt to appease my fears at being totally out of place and out of order, last year I signed up for 'ettiquette school', which is apparently enjoying a significant rise in enrollments - possibly due to this 'disconnection angst'. Thankfully, etiquette school simply confirmed I was OK, instead of telling me I was horribly badly mannered!

Over the past few years I've created my own network of social groups to form the framework for my life - my 'urban family', work groups, volunteer groups, steak night groups, girl's night groups, meditation group and all of these help to give my life structure. Many of my friends are part of sporting groups, book clubs, volunteer with community groups or surf clubs, but it seems the future of the organised social club is being replaced with more informal social groupings. Can facebook replace a yacht club ? Can a group of people you meet because they hang out at the same bar replace life-long friendships with school-mates (in my case, yes)?

If you're reading this blog and you're not yet a 'follower' you'd better join up (all the cool kids are doing it), you can find the follow button at the left hand side of this column.